On my first day in Uganda, my first thought was “I am not needed.”
I visited the office and encountered a hardworking team of local Ugandans. They were clinically trained, administratively competent and excelling in managing the OneDay Health clinics. To top it off, they were embedded in the culture and language of which I was a foreigner. The moment was both daunting and humbling. I asked myself, “Do Ugandans really need another Muzungu (white person)?”
I grew up in a loving Christian home where service was greatly encouraged. So I served wherever I could. I served at church, youth group and kids’ holiday camps. I served overseas in Papua New Guinea. I loved being able to serve and help those around me. It drew me close to my servant saviour. However, it also led to an unhealthy desire to be needed. When I couldn’t live up to this desire, I became mentally and emotionally distressed.
As I reflected on this crippling dynamic, I turned to Jesus.
The person who was (and is) truly most needed by the world. Did he feel needed, though? Two passages jumped to mind. Isaiah 53:2–3, a suffering servant prophecy about Jesus, which says that he was not attractive or desirable and that he was despised and rejected. We see this fulfilled in Mark 6:1–6 when Jesus is preaching in his hometown of Nazareth and the people take offence at him and reject him. Jesus definitely didn’t feel needed!
The next question that sprang to mind was, “Do I need Jesus?” I “know” the correct answer, but do I live it out? The flipside of my unhealthy desire to be needed is that I don’t want to need others. Maybe it stems from not wanting to be a burden. Maybe it stems from my DIY New Zealand culture. Whatever the case, I am allergic to relying on others. I didn’t put a lot of effort into fundraising for my Moment apprenticeship. I didn’t want other people’s money. As a result, my trip was mostly self-funded.
A dependence allergy can have dire consequences in mission. It makes you susceptible to white saviourism. It can lead to burnout. It inflates your ego. This is the opposite of Jesus’ missional posture and how I want to serve. In the incarnation, Jesus humbled himself and became dependent on human parents like a baby (Luke 2:4–7). He was dependent on others to provide for his needs in his ministry (Luke 8:1–3), and he was dependent on his Father and the Spirit to complete his work (John 5:19).
Not only is inter-dependency important in mission, but it is also crucial for our faith and salvation. We do not earn our faith. We are dependent on the gift of faith given through grace by Jesus Christ. Independence and pride are enemies of our faith. Just ask the tax collector and the Pharisee (Luke 18:9–14). Through my distress, I have come to realise that this dependence on God often takes the form of weakness.
Paul writes:
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Cor 12:9–10
We are dependent on Jesus when we are in a loving relationship with him. This allows us to faithfully live out His Gospel in the world. I want to live my life with Christ, so that at the end of my life I can hear the blessed words, “Well done, good and faithful servant!” (Matt 25:21). Ultimately, faithfulness is what matters. When we are faithful to Christ, we are a blessing to others even if our work is small, not appreciated at the time, or doesn’t achieve the outcomes we hope for. Lord, help us be faithful!
As I reflected on this initial moment in Gulu, I realised it doesn’t matter whether I am needed or not. What matters is being faithful to God wherever I am. So I took a step back and sought to be faithful through taking a posture of openness and humility. I sought to connect with those around me to learn, encourage and support. In this way, I can serve and be a blessing without being needed.
I am thankful to Nick, the Mission Partner I am serving with here, that the first week I was in Gulu, I didn’t have a job or role. I had the time and space to connect with locals, to observe the culture around me and to learn Acholi (the local language).
Through my friendships with the local team and God’s leading, I have been invited to participate in discipleship and run discovery Bible studies for different groups and I am organising and running a leadership program for the OneDay Health managers.
This is an ongoing journey. I am still wrestling with the urge to feel needed; I still struggle to depend on others. Though my faithfulness may waver, I look to the one who is faithful.
Check out other articles in the
series below.
More articles in the
series are to come.
We have invited these writers to share their experiences, ideas and opinions in the hope that these will provoke thought, challenge you to go deeper and inspire you to put your faith into action. These articles should not be taken as the official view of the Nelson Diocese on any particular matter.
On my first day in Uganda, my first thought was “I am not needed.”
I visited the office and encountered a hardworking team of local Ugandans. They were clinically trained, administratively competent and excelling in managing the OneDay Health clinics. To top it off, they were embedded in the culture and language of which I was a foreigner. The moment was both daunting and humbling. I asked myself, “Do Ugandans really need another Muzungu (white person)?”
I grew up in a loving Christian home where service was greatly encouraged. So I served wherever I could. I served at church, youth group and kids’ holiday camps. I served overseas in Papua New Guinea. I loved being able to serve and help those around me. It drew me close to my servant saviour. However, it also led to an unhealthy desire to be needed. When I couldn’t live up to this desire, I became mentally and emotionally distressed.
As I reflected on this crippling dynamic, I turned to Jesus.
The person who was (and is) truly most needed by the world. Did he feel needed, though? Two passages jumped to mind. Isaiah 53:2–3, a suffering servant prophecy about Jesus, which says that he was not attractive or desirable and that he was despised and rejected. We see this fulfilled in Mark 6:1–6 when Jesus is preaching in his hometown of Nazareth and the people take offence at him and reject him. Jesus definitely didn’t feel needed!
The next question that sprang to mind was, “Do I need Jesus?” I “know” the correct answer, but do I live it out? The flipside of my unhealthy desire to be needed is that I don’t want to need others. Maybe it stems from not wanting to be a burden. Maybe it stems from my DIY New Zealand culture. Whatever the case, I am allergic to relying on others. I didn’t put a lot of effort into fundraising for my Moment apprenticeship. I didn’t want other people’s money. As a result, my trip was mostly self-funded.
A dependence allergy can have dire consequences in mission. It makes you susceptible to white saviourism. It can lead to burnout. It inflates your ego. This is the opposite of Jesus’ missional posture and how I want to serve. In the incarnation, Jesus humbled himself and became dependent on human parents like a baby (Luke 2:4–7). He was dependent on others to provide for his needs in his ministry (Luke 8:1–3), and he was dependent on his Father and the Spirit to complete his work (John 5:19).
Not only is inter-dependency important in mission, but it is also crucial for our faith and salvation. We do not earn our faith. We are dependent on the gift of faith given through grace by Jesus Christ. Independence and pride are enemies of our faith. Just ask the tax collector and the Pharisee (Luke 18:9–14). Through my distress, I have come to realise that this dependence on God often takes the form of weakness.
Paul writes:
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Cor 12:9–10
We are dependent on Jesus when we are in a loving relationship with him. This allows us to faithfully live out His Gospel in the world. I want to live my life with Christ, so that at the end of my life I can hear the blessed words, “Well done, good and faithful servant!” (Matt 25:21). Ultimately, faithfulness is what matters. When we are faithful to Christ, we are a blessing to others even if our work is small, not appreciated at the time, or doesn’t achieve the outcomes we hope for. Lord, help us be faithful!
As I reflected on this initial moment in Gulu, I realised it doesn’t matter whether I am needed or not. What matters is being faithful to God wherever I am. So I took a step back and sought to be faithful through taking a posture of openness and humility. I sought to connect with those around me to learn, encourage and support. In this way, I can serve and be a blessing without being needed.
I am thankful to Nick, the Mission Partner I am serving with here, that the first week I was in Gulu, I didn’t have a job or role. I had the time and space to connect with locals, to observe the culture around me and to learn Acholi (the local language).
Through my friendships with the local team and God’s leading, I have been invited to participate in discipleship and run discovery Bible studies for different groups and I am organising and running a leadership program for the OneDay Health managers.
This is an ongoing journey. I am still wrestling with the urge to feel needed; I still struggle to depend on others. Though my faithfulness may waver, I look to the one who is faithful.
Check out other articles in the
series below.
More articles in the
series are to come.
